November 2015

Nov. 2 Evy woke up with a sucker stuck in her hair 2 times in one week. It was a fun cleanup.

Nov. 4 at Maddox Steakhouse.

Nelson and I had to start back at Huntsman again for consults and infusions. We hated going there so much. It made us both physically sick with anxiety. We would go to lunch or dinner afterwards just the two of us to try to have some alone time. I tried to reward him with a nice dinner after each treatment. He always wanted seafood. I always told him I would ship him seafood from Maine if it meant it would make him happy. (and to make him eat. He didn't care much for food the past year.)

Nelson looked online forever for a blow up turkey. I remember watching him at the computer surprised that he made that such a priority. That's just him though. He finds an obsession and goes with it. He said he hates how everyone skips past Thanksgiving and goes straight for Christmas. So he bought this hoping people would remember. I sure love my guy. I remember watching people speed past my house unaware of the significance of this turkey and what the person that bought it was struggling with. I set it up for him so he could see it when he came home from work that day.

 

Nolan trying baby cookies. What a mess. What a cute mess though.

Evy and I cooked our own pumpkins and pureed them to freeze this year. We loved it and have continued doing it. Nelson is usually at work when I make my huge canning messes but he came home in the midst of this one. He just couldn't handle the mess and started cleaning things as I was using them. (I did eventually clean it up by the way but I waited until I was done) I think every Ashworth has that trait. They can't stand any mess whatsoever, even a productive one like this!

Evy and Nelson like to snuggle and watch tv.

We got our family pictures done on November 8th. We had never gotten family pictures since Nolan was born since Nelson went through chemo. We were waiting for his hair to grow back and him to gain weight. Since he was starting chemo yet again, we decided we better hurry and take pictures. This whole photo shoot I was terrified this would be our last family photo session. Every fear was streaming through my body. I was not relaxed like I appear. This was my family. Nelson and I worked so hard to get here. We were so happy. Now my sweet family was threatened. This ended up being our only photo session with the 5 of us. We only got to be a family of 5 for 9 short months.

His hair hadn't grown back completely but he looked so good here. I think this picture shows that Nelson was my peace, my home.

Nelson and Coleman

Nolan and Nelson

My sweet Nelson. This was his obituary picture. Dang it. I'm still so mad that 3 months after this photo was taken, he had to leave us.

Nelson bought this canoe against my wishes during college. We were so poor and he buys a canoe! It's so Nelson. He just lived for adventure. Well we loved this canoe. So many stories with it. I asked him if we could take our photos in the canoe. We had already taken the canoe rack off the truck for the year. But sure enough when I came home from work the day before, he had put the canoe rack back on and put the canoe on the truck all by himself. I cried and cried. He was so good to me. I wondered what I was going to do without him.

I love the analogy of these pictures. Nelson always rowed and guided while I helped the kids or assisted to row. I thought of this as he rowed. He guided us through everything in life.

Nov. 9

The next day was my birthday. I turned 36. It was the worst birthday of my life. Nelson didn't take off work. He was worried about his upcoming chemo and worried to take time off. I tried to do things with my boys that I would enjoy to make the best of it while Evy was at school. I just pretty much cried the whole day. I was so worried this would be my last birthday with him. He brought me these flowers then we went to a birthday party with my kids for my neighbor's daughter. Then we went on a date night another night. I didn't feel like celebrating at all.

Nov. 11

Nolan turned 7 months.

Nov. 12

Poor Nolan being subjected to Evy's picking. She loves to pick through people's hair. Nelson was her favorite. He always let her.

Nov. 12

Evy drew this and hung it in her room. Anything that brings us cheer I am game for. "Happiness can show love. What a good thing."

Nov. 14

Finally painted the piano.

Evy drew this of Nelson and me.

Nov. 15

Visiting Leonard. He had been hospitalized and found he had blood clots in his lungs from cancer. This was the last time we saw him. He actually outlived Nelson and died on Memorial Day.

Coleman made a face tickler for me. mmmkay.....

Nov. 16

Coleman playing in his toddler costume.

Nov. 17

Evy lost a tooth in the tub. She loses teeth in the weirdest places.

Nelson and Coleman getting ready for prayers. I loved this moment. Coleman sure loved his dad.

Nov. 21

Eating berries.

Nov. 23

Coleman likes to drag Nolan. Poor Nolan I always think, but he actually laughs.

Nov. 24

Bedtime

Play doh.

Nov. 25

Don't you want to wear this when you go outside in the winter?

Thanksgiving at our house for the first time. Well Nelson had a horrible flu the previous two weeks he passed to all of us. He was just not improving very well. You can see he didn't feel well this day. This was the beginning of his cancer now in full force. Just two weeks prior, he felt really well.

Nov. 26 making gingerbread houses. During dinner we all went around the table and said what we were thankful for. We ladies just cried and cried. We were all so scared.

Nov. 26

Linley, Nolan, Coleman, Evy and Sawyer.

Nov. 29

Nelson gets lulled to sleep when they do this. Nelson lived in this thermal shirt at home. Every single day.

Nov. 30

I got stuck in the snow in a canyon driving for work. The person that helped me out was actually Nelson's friend Robin's sister-in-law. Her husband ended up engraving Nelson's headstone. This wasn't a coincidence.

Nov. 30

Coleman likes to put things by my tires. Good thing I check before I drive away.

October 2015

I drove past this truck selling squash in Richmond multiple times and I always wanted a picture. Isn't it pretty? I love October but still struggle to appreciate it because it leads to winter.

I took my kids to McHaven to listen to conference while Nelson was at work. I had a bad cold and didn't want to go but it was nice getting out. Evy picked plums and played with her second cousins.

Elena and Nolan

October 9th, Nelson took this picture on his phone of his beloved raspberries in his beloved garden

October 9, headed to Soda Springs to see Uncle Leonard and hunt for bucks.

Nelson always packs his clothes in a plastic bag even though we have multiple suitcases. He is more concerned with gear than clothes. Well he realized as we almost got there that he didn't pack pants. Ha ha. So we had to stop and get him some majorly hick jeans.

Leonard stayed behind with us kids while Nelson looked for bucks. Leonard fussed over Nolan all day. Nolan is named after Leonard's brother (Nelson's grandpa) and Nolan's middle name is Leo after Leonard. Leonard and I talked all day, separated a big bag of sugar he bought and I cooked stew in my trailer. This was a significant trip because both Nelson and Leonard got sick shortly after this trip and both of them passed away before summer.

Nelson teaching my kids to shoot.

Sawyer, Evy, Coleman, Nelson

We drove my kids around to scout so they felt like they were participating. Here's Nelson's famous hick jeans.

Nelson told me on the way up he decided against a moose tag and if he were to see a moose he would be mad. Well wouldn't you know it, while he was hunting, two bull moose came walking through the farm. Sawyer was so close to one I had to yell at him to get in the trailer. He didn't know it was dangerous. Nelson came back and I told him what he missed.

The kids and I hung out with Leonard in the morning.

Leonard and Coleman eating cereal. Leonard kept putting small amounts of cocoa pebbles in with their corn chex to make it interesting.

Leonard and Nolan

Nelson ended up getting a buck on Sunday morning. He had no problems hiking or anything and we felt he was improving from his horrific summer of chemotherapy. He was gaining weight. He still had neuropathy pain in his feet.

Nelson was by himself when he shot it and called

Darren to help him get it off the mountain.

Darren

I asked Nelson why he always wore this shirt when he hunts. He said it's his lucky shirt. I do find it confusing though to figure out which hunt is which because he's always wearing the same thing.

Nolan turns 6 months

October 17, we took our kids to the Boo at the Zoo. Nelson was so annoyed with how long the lines were this year. It was very crowded. He was kind of a party pooper. This was one of the last times he got to do an activity like this with our kids. If only he knew! He would have savored every minute of it.

Coleman and I visiting Evy's school. He took these vampire teeth everywhere we went.

Nelson and I started refinishing my parents' piano. It was the piano I used as a kid. Nelson primed it so meticulously it already looked painted. Nelson wanted to stain it but I wanted a contrast to our hard wood floors it would sit on. We compromised and did both.

All during chemo Nelson kept saying he wanted to go to Lagoon when he was well. I surprised him and took him on October 24th. He thought Lagoon was closed so he had no idea where I was taking him. Crystal's family came and my sister. Nelson did really well walking around even with his neuropathy and he rode all the crazy rides. He had a CT scan coming up in the next few days to check for cancer that was making us nervous. We felt it would be okay and we tried not to stress.

Holly and Nelson

Maggie. Nelson waved at us from afar because he thought the swings would make him sick.

Holly and Nelson

Holly and Maggie on the log ride. We didn't get really wet surprisingly. Good thing because we rode it at night.

Waiting in line for haunted houses

Holly and Maggie

October 26th I took my kids to the annual pumpkin walk in north logan. Nelson also took my boys when he met up with Evy's school group for her field trip.

Evy and our neighbor Millie

Evy's kindergarten class

 Oct 26th, Nelson took this picture of Nolan while going to the pumpkin walk

Coleman's preschool class performing Halloween songs for us. Coleman is the green skeleton, not sure which one.

October 23 Nelson took Coleman to Sportsman's Warehouse

Oct. 26th My dad and Nolan at a pumpkin patch

On October 29th we found out Nelson's scans showed he had stage 4 cancer. Malignant melanoma.  He appeared healthy and well. We were shocked and devastated. That was one of many dreadful days I have experienced in 2015. We tried to enjoy our Halloween but we had a dark cloud over our heads. We didn't tell everyone right away. Our lives changed once again that day and my hope was taken away that his health would be restored.

Halloween day.

Nelson acted normal although we both were pretty out of it. We went to a Halloween party that day in Tremonton with our friends Amber and Robin.

Robin, Amber, Nelson, Nolan, Holly

                                                             Nolan, Shelby and Von

                                    Coleman zonked out Halloween night with his glow stick.